i remember when i joined the pop dance competition way back into my junior years. well, it was actually my first dance competition, aside from cheerdance and folk dance, for school officers are banned to join such competitions. anyways, the title of the dance is "push it" by corbin bleu. as we danced as wild as we could, the only thing that was being puffed on my mind is the fact that we need to dance because it's the only time that we seemed to be less knotty. but, i guess, that ideology was mine and i don't have any idea about what they [my co-dancers kuno :)] think about. and we won the said contest, made the school's last song syndrome, popularized the figure/step.

i guess, you're wondering why i'm in the blogging mode [bragging mode] about that. but it's not like that. i really don't care at all about winning and dancing, but what provoked me to write now is the lyric or line from our contest piece. it says that, "push it. push it to the limit."

i'm currently enrolled in a 5-year course and i'll have to label it because it has a label. toinkx. mkay. so i'm taking up bachelor of science in chemical engineering - an unexpected degree. i've always dreamt of counting paper bills in banks abroad or sitting on an airconditioned office while waiting for someone to approach me and ask me about notarization process. i was admitted in bachelor of arts in political science and i was planning ahead of time to switch to bs accountancy. then, here comes the evil scholarship who ruined the plans of great grandpa eduardo. my interests were not accredited by the scholarship and so i have to be divulged into something to avail it. *sighs. but i believe that somehow i'm destined to love chem eng. it's a mystery and i have to figure it out.

i really hate chemistry. i used to hide my face and my ears in thick books while our chem teacher who was named miley cyrus though she was named after a chemical substance [the hell we care. peace out maam. :)] is in the bridge of her boring concert. i failed also in the eight essential amino acid exams and i just don't find myself within it. but she [our teacher] was one of the reasons why i commit an educational suicide, i didn't choose any fields because i was inspired by the fact that she graduated holding a degree in bs mathematics but she went to school again and studied chemistry. and looking her now, apart from seeing her with whipped chalks on her hair, she is now on her dissertation for her doctorals. see, i can be like her someday if i'll learn to love what i'm holding and taking what is just being served as of the moment.

hmmp. i'm really pushing myself into the limit. after educational suicide, i'm now into social suicide. what would you expect from a promdi in an activist-filled, center of excellence university?? oh God. take my life. just jesting. nywei, i'm not just enrolled in a wrong degree, i'm also enrolled in the wrong school. not that i don't like UP, it was my dream school after all. take note "was". continuation: it feels like it's intimidating and be it. don't drop the fact that you're not solely existing. stepping on the grounds of the great oblation statuesque, is a great decision, i guess. but i had to make a choice and i just did. and i figured out that it would be the best if i won't turn my back. this is the point of no return, i have to swallow my fears. haha. btw, it's an odd feeling, how i hate being here but loving to be labeled as an "isko". it's really a strike. a nerve-cracking one. it just keeps on repeating inside my head like an 'injured' cd - university of the philippines [visayas], one of the homes of the chosen ones. oha.

so now, it turned out that the stuff i hated most, the school i used to dream converges in a single jiffy. i guess this is the so-called karma and i have to love it by hook or by crook. this is not pushing myself into my boundaries, this is discovering that what i thought as my limit is not a limit after all, that i'm not capsulized. for it is the time when we learn to face what we fear most or what we hate most that we know what are ourselves really made of. i'm a bit scared about what lies ahead. i'm hesitant though i'm so desperate. how frustrating!

i'll have to update this site about my current college status, about what i'm into, about what i have to do, about college life itself. that's all for now.

"no matter what i do, what i say, what i believe, i'm bankrupt without love."

i'm planning to order [planning pa lang naman, i might change my mind]. help me naman.

uhm, from sindikatoinc.multiply.com

gusto mo rin buh? astig hindi ba??